The Lush Mommy Blog

Pay attention new mothers to be—this one is for you!

Why is it that when women are pregnant no one sits down and tells them what to expect when the baby comes? Now I’m not talking about the normal preparations for the birth—I’m talking about the ugly stuff-- the stuff that can bring you to tears and/or a complete breakdown.

When I was six months pregnant with my son, one of my friends asked me if I was ready with the maxi pads. “What are you talking about?” She went on to inform me that after you have a vaginal birth you bleed— and it’s not just for a few days. I was shocked and actually horrified. I realized then there was much more that people weren’t telling me.

The day before the birth of my son I begrudgingly sat down to watch one of those birthing shows on The Learning Channel. I watched with tears rolling down my cheeks as this poor woman tried to push out her baby AFTER her epidural wore off. Then she screamed, “It’s burning, it’s burning.” The mid-wife stuck her head in the camera frame to whisper to the white knuckled audience. “What she’s experiencing is called The Ring of Fire.” No not the Johnny Cash song but the burning, ripping feeling you have as your baby fully crowns. Trust me—the name fits.

I was lucky to have watched that show because the very next day the same thing happened to me. My epidural wore off and yes, I felt that horrible “Ring of Fire.” What made it somewhat bearable was that I knew what was happening to me.

But there was another surprise in store—the spray bottle. Upon getting settled in my room the nurse handed me a spray bottle. She could see the confusion on my face and calmly explained that this bottle would serve as my new bathroom friend. “You can’t use toilet paper,” she said. “No toilet paper?!?” I learned then what it might have been like on the frontier.

It’s important to note that none of the books I’ve read have included all of these gory details—no, not even “The Girlfriends Guide To Pregnancy.” Not a good girlfriend if you ask me.