I was getting my hair done today and the lady next to me started talking about my upcoming birth. She said, “Isn’t it just the most important day of you life?” I thought for a second and said, “No.” She looked a bit stunned and perplexed. That’s when I realized I was bit too honest with my hair salon stranger.
I went on to explain that I had post-partum depression with my last child and just didn’t have that glorious feeling some women talk about when their babies are born. She still looked puzzled. It was then I realized why some mothers just “fake it.”
I’ve talked to so many women who have struggled with motherhood but yet don’t dare talk about it. I think my hair salon conversation is the perfect example of why some women are afraid to really say what they think. When you’re honest about your feelings and someone doesn’t understand you may start questioning yourself, doubting your abilities as a mother and ultimately just go along with the crowd. But how many in that crowd are doing the same thing? The fear of judgment can be powerful.
Why isn’t okay for you to just feel the way you feel? Well, when it comes to motherhood we’re facing generations of tradition. When you mess with tradition people get uncomfortable. I get it—but I can’t play along.
For the record, the most important day in my life was the day I met my husband. I replay that moment in my head all of the time. That was the beginning of what would lead to so much more... my amazing son.
For my second son, I prayed for a different outcome, and I challenged myself to be positive and happy during the entire time of my pregnancy. As I was completely convinced that the stress of my unhappy first marriage both contributed to my PPD but, also played a large roll in the fact that my first son had sever colic for almost 2 years straight.
So, the second time around God blessed me with the happiest baby a woman could ask for and a happy time for me as well with a wonderful loving husband. I really felt that my first experience - which was much different helped me to appreciate even more this joyful and happy experience with my second son.
God- gives you what you need and most definitely what you can handle at any given point in time, and then we just have to roll with it. But, to roll with it with an open heart and honest outlook only benefits us. I am not a faker- and I think it helps ourselves and others to just be honest. Those of us that appreciate honest dialogue- respect it and admire it. For the others....well, as my 3.5 year old says..."Who cares????"!
I think it's always okay to feel what you feel, good or bad, but some people aren't as open, and it shocks them.
I just shared with some friends about what an asshole my precious, beautiful, intelligent 3 year old daughter is. She is going through a horrible phase, and some days I want to shake her by the shoulders, or sell her to the highest bidder, or just leave.
Women who beat their kids, more than likely don't vent about such things. Those women who suffer silently with PPD are the ones who wind up miserable from it. They don't recover. Something awful happens.
If someone sat down next to me at the salon and said what you said, I would probably say "Thank GOD I'm not the only one!!" Life is messy. Motherhood isn't easy or fun or beautiful all the time.
Some people just have fear of honesty. Fear stems from the thought of losing something you have or not getting something you want.
If you are honest, you could lose that perfect image. How often do you look at someone and think, "Wow they really have their shit together" or you compare their marriage to yours, thinking they are somehow happier, having more sex...etc.
I look at moms at restaurants with their kids sitting perfectly still coloring with the provided crayons and I think, "What are they doing that I'm not?" I may just be seeing them on a miraculous day. Yesterday their kid may have been behaving like a wild animal screaming and throwing things.(like mine)
I have actually gone up to someone like that, complimented her on her well behaved kid, and she has admitted that it's a freak occurance.
I admire the ones who are honest. I think it comes from having trusted friends, and being a trusting friend.
Maybe delusional salon lady doesn't have those kinds of relationships. Bless her pea pickin' heart.
What was she having done, by the way?
Amy