I’m sitting in the hospital room of my two-month-old baby girl, Mamie Grace. She had heart surgery and is not doing well. Her chest is open and there are tubes filled with blood routed into and out of her heart. Right now, she can’t live without the machine that is attached to her. Essentially, she is in a medically induced coma. Doctors say she has a 50/50 chance of survival.
This little baby has spent more time in the hospital than she has with me—I don’t even really know her yet. However, just before she was admitted to the hospital, we made a connection. She stared-- I stared back. She smiled-- I smiled back. What a nice moment we had.
I’ve been thinking about what her life means and what it means to die. When someone dies, the loved ones are sad and in pain. But, it doesn’t have to be that way, does it? I think I’ve come to some sort of understanding about life and death—if that’s possible. Here’s what I’ve come up with… life is a guest list.
When you have a party you invite all sorts of people: There are those who come and they’re the life of the party, they stay all night and leave you with some great memories. There is always a guest who says they’re going to come—you expect them and they never arrive. You’re disappointed but the party must go on. There’s a guest who comes and stays only for a short while. You’re sad to see them go but the party must go on. There’s a guest who you felt obligated to invite but, when they left, you were glad they came. There are the guests who come and you never get to talk to. While you wish you could have spent more time with them, you’re just happy you had the chance to see them. There’s a person you invited who doesn’t know anyone. You invited him because you felt bad for him. When the last guest leaves and the party is over you reflect on the night and you smile. It went by too quickly, you worked so hard to get it all together but you’re damn glad you did it.
When you host a party you invite fun, love, sadness, hope, pity, charity, longing and laughter. Life is indeed a guest list. We don’t always know how long our guests will stay, who will come, or how long the party will last. We can only appreciate the time we had and those whose company we shared.
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) have got one helluva woman in you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and love of family and of life during such a challenging time. My view of a guest list will be forever changed. I am truly moved by this post... My prayers, thougths and well wishes are with your Mamie Grace...love, k
Everyone that knows you, knows you'r eno quitter. Mamie is very lucky to have you beside her.
Thank you for sharing . I am praying and sending lots of love to you and your family- XO
Your brother: Armando
What can I say? Your dear friends have sent such wonderful, encouraging notes and blessings. I know how much I wish to be there so that I could wrap my arms around you and
Teddy and squeeze you very tightly. Your courage is incredible.! There's no way any of us, (except those who might have endured an experience like this), can imagine everything that's happening to all of you at this time.
Your emails have been wonderful, positive and so very well written. Your writing is masterful!
You have become a super journalist, and you write with such passion and hope. Loved your "hosting a party" analogy!!
I'm very glad that Ang is coming to help again. It's been quite hard for her not to be with you.. You need all the assistance you can get at this time in your lives.
I don't know if you remember that I had a daughter , Kimberly, 1 year before Kendal was born who had a reversed heart circulation problem, Her blood was turning from red to blue.
She was therefore a blue baby but not from a blood type. She didn't make it, but we and Kimberly were blessed because after they did surgery on her at 8 days old, the oxygen had been deprived from her brain for too long. She would have had to go through many other heart surgeries, stay in an incubator for a long time, never be very active and on and on. Even though her Dad and I were only 17 years old and clueless, we thought that God made the right choice. She was 8lbs. 2 ozs., perfectly formed and gorgeous, The biggest baby of all my four. Denton Cooley in Houston did her open heart surgery which was successful to a point. The oxygen issue was the cause of her death. I had Mono when I was 1st pregnant , and at the time, the docs did not think it had anything to do with what happened to her: however, years later, Cooley sent a letter saying that .it was discovered that it did. The heart is one of the first things that starts to form in the beginning stages of pregnancy.
Please know that I don't tell you this to make you sad and lose hopeI My point is that I truly believe it is now God's choice to decide what's best for Mamie Grace, you , Teddy and Brooks. HE always knows best!
We love all of you so much and are praying her little heart will start beating on its own w/o the machine, and all will be much better soon. Please don't bury too many feelings because I know your inner being is aching badly. We've all heard these miracle stories,
and I do believe Mamie Grace is fulfilling one of those.
Know you are all in our prayers always, and we send much love and blessings,
Elizabeth and John
Kenya
I ache for you. I know I only have words for you...But I hope you know
I am always here for you and would do ANYTHING for you and your family.
You are such a gift and I am truly blessed that you are at my party.
I love you dearly!
Molly
