The Lush Mommy Blog

When you plan a wedding you focus on all of the details that, at the time, seem like the most important thing in the world. When I planned my own wedding, I tried to steer clear of the detail consuming nonsense—but like many brides I couldn’t seem escape it. I remember organizing all of the goody bags and party favors when a friend said, “Why are you doing all of this? No one is going to notice.” I remember being mad at the remark, but upon reflection she was right. It really didn’t matter and if anyone did notice—I never knew.

Recently when my daughter Mamie Grace died, I quickly realized many of those same details are involved when you plan a funeral. You have to decide on flowers, music, the service, the funeral program, the coffin, the cemetery, the food and so much more. And, you’re supposed to do all this while in mourning and/or shock.

The day after my daughter died, some friends came to my house and just camped out. They were waiting for me to give them some direction about what I wanted for her funeral. Honestly, I had no idea how much work had to be done and most of it just didn’t matter. There were only a few things I insisted upon; I didn’t want my baby to be buried in one of those Cadillac Escalade type caskets (glossy white with gold bling), I wanted to give the eulogy and host an amazing party at my home to celebrate MG’s very short time on this earth.

Not only did friends and family come from all over the country to attend the funeral, but also they came during Mother’s Day weekend! My friends knew this was not a time for me to wallow in sorrow—there was, and remains, plenty of time for that. This was a time to have some real perspective—something I think so many of us lack. My friends had to choke back their tears so I could focus on being present. I was indeed present. I soaked up every moment of joy and sadness and let it fill my heart and my head.

Several of my friends did the same. Many of them told me they felt guilty or bad for having so much fun at our funeral celebration. But that’s what I wanted. Seeing everyone laugh and have a wonderful time made me so happy. The irony—I had more fun at my daughter’s funeral than I did at my own wedding. Now that is how you celebrate life!

God Bless Mamie Grace 02/19/10 – 05/04/10 and her twin brother Brooks who I know misses her.